Nightingale

"Jesus!  he screamed. The light was so intense it was painful. His eyes tried their best to focus but soon gave up and shut their lids tight.

"Where am I?"

He tried to sit up...nothing.

"What is this?" he thought.

"Ok. This is a dream"

Then he wondered why it felt like he had awoke when obviously he was still inside the dream.

"Ok dammit! Enough!"

His eyes allowed themselves to open and he willed them to focus on something....anything.

Shapes! And movement.

"Who's there?" he demanded panicked now. No sound.

“Why is there no sound? How can I hear my own voice, but only in my head and nothing else; like my head is under water?

And Christ! What is that awful smell?"

The shapes continued to move and cast shadows above him but they became no clearer or identifiable.

“Shit! I have to get up. I must be on my back....but....why don't I feel anything?"

He felt neither heavy nor weightless. He somehow knew he was lying flat but felt no pressure against his back. Nor did he feel like he was floating. He felt....nothing. 

“Why can't I move???"

He tried to calm himself and take inventory of his senses. 

“Christ the light is bright...but at least I see it. Where the fuck am I?"

The shapes, they must be human but  why couldn't they hear him?

"Hey!" he screamed. 

"Who are you? Where am I? Will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?!?"

This was the worst dream he ever had. Somehow he knew that, even though he had no memory of any other dream....or indeed, no memory of anything.

And godammit what was that wretched smell? Some things about it were familiar; like he should know them. But his brain was at a loss to recognize why and from where.

"Somebody help me up please!!!" he bellowed “I need help! My name is....."

His name was what? He didn't know.

"What is happening to me? What is this shit?"

"Ok....calm down" he told himself “this is either one really messed up dream or there is some other perfectly good explanation for all this. Right?"

He tried his best to focus and breathe deeply. He thought he was taking a deep breath but again....nothing. No feeling of his lungs filling, his chest expanding...nothing. Suddenly, he was aware of something. At last a shape was appearing and beginning to block out the searing light....but what was it? As it loomed nearer he was able to make out the outline of a human face.

"Who are you?" he croaked "Please help me!"

The face was becoming more defined and he suddenly realized that it was the face of a woman; just inches from his own.

"Who are you?" he tried again.

Her lips did not move but the sound of the sweetest voice he could imagine spoke inside his head. 

"You know me. I am Love."

He saw the face in clear definition now. It was the most beautiful face he had ever seen.

"No I don't know you. You can't be Love. I've never known Love. "

"You know me. But you have denied me. Here, let me show you"

Love's face came closer still and his eyes were fixed on her deep beautiful eyes. They were as deep as pools, as blue as the sky and twinkled like the shimmer of sun on the water.

He watched as her eyes began to well up with tears like the coming of a tide; and saw a single tear begin to overflow the rim of an eyelid. It swelled until its weight caused it to drop. It fell slowly in a motion that seemed like an eternity. It fell upon his bottom lip and.....he felt it! He felt it and he tasted it. Yes he tasted the salt of the sea and felt its wetness.

"Just relax” Love said to him 

"Everything is going to be ok"  

"My God! What is happening???" he cried.

The watery rush in his ears was now replaced by the drumming of his heartbeat....louder and faster it sped toward a crescendo. And in a crash of light and sound he begin to see what Love wanted him to see. In her eyes he saw every wonderful thing in the world, the beauty of the universe....flashing...flashing...everything his own eyes ever recorded.....every smile on every face........every sunrise and sunset....flashing flashing....himself as a child, a boy, a man....and every moment he denied himself feelings of love, joy and pride. There were many. He always denied his emotions. But now he felt them all. All at once they washed over him in a cleansing wave. 

And then he was standing on a rocky beach looking out to sea at the last golden arc of the sun dipping below the horizon.

"Thank you" he told her.

She smiled. Love smiled upon him.

Then....a thundering flash and he was tumbling through space....knocked from his feet by an unseen force, by a blast that burst his ear drums and blinded his eyes...hot with piercing, scorching, sharp winds that tore at him as he rolled over and over in the air.

And pain. So much pain....tearing, ripping, and stabbing pain.

"Make it stop!!!! Please make it stop!!!! Oh God please take away the pain!!!"

"Don't worry. I will" Love said to him.

 "Everything is going to be ok" 

The pain subsided and he was aware that he was breathing softly...peacefully.

Love's eyes were still fixed upon him and he asked her "What should I do? What do you want me to do?"

"Rest now Sergeant. Just rest"

"What did you call me? What was that name?"

But Love did not answer him.

She just smiled.

He felt two soft unseen fingers gently force his eyelids closed and he was in darkness. Not the terrifying darkness behind enemy lines on a night patrol. No. It was a peaceful darkness. A silent darkness but for one sound. One sound that he heard as clearly as ringing crystal.                                                           The song of a Nightingale.  

                                                                    .............................................................................

"Captain!...Captain!"

"Yes sir....sorry sir!"

"Captain I need you to focus ok? You're my best nurse and I need you to stay with me. Now get this one moved out and reset. There are more wounded inbound and it's gonna be another long goddam night! Roger that?"

She turned to respond to her  blood-soaked  Medical Officer.

"Roger that sir!"

Is this ever going to get any easier?, she thought as she motioned to medical orderlies and wiped her eyes, on a bloodless spot of her scrubs.                 She watched as they wheeled  the broken lifeless form away on a gurney. And she turned to see another had already been pushed in its place.

"Don't worry" she said.

 "Just relax. Everything is going to be ok. "

 

© 2011 Kel Hancock